Last night was yet again a culmination of drinking, drugs, and sex. Is it sad that our youth nowadays has so little that makes them feel wanted and complete that they not only want but have to resort to methods of intoxication to fill such a void? Is it even sadder that I recognize this ridiculous pattern but still choose to partake in these immature antics? Though in my drunken and marijuana-filled stupor, I had two realizations; realizations purely derived to the ridiculousness of the party reality surrounding me - it is not worth it. Ironically, I must thank the influences of alcohol and marijuana for my eye-opening epiphany.
Young men chasing young women: young women throwing themselves on young men: young men gliding their hands all over unconscious young women - and even into places i shall fail to mention. Is this really what our generation has grown to view as love and compassion? In my own perspective, this is just a facade to, ineffectively by the way, mask the pain or heartache truly fermenting inside. And the crossroads tie in because such a void would be filled if it weren't for the abysmally low self-perspectives and self-worth of all these young people. Two years ago I would have been even worse. Two years ago, I would have not only drank the alcohol, I would have not only smoked the weed, I would have also let some guy I have never met before have me in any way he wanted. Realization One: I have been shown what real love is since that time. And even though it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, nonetheless, it is real. I know I deserve better than what these faulty expressions of compassion offer. I deserve the love of my life; Edward Joseph DeJesus.
As the night progressed and my mental state deteriorated, young men began to flock. First was a young man who attempted to pull me close and constantly hug me as a way of establishing "trust". He was "taking care of me" and therefore I can "trust" him with my sanctity as a woman. Second was a young man, even a friend, who figured that constantly saying "I love you" and venting about all his life problems would stir up sympathy from me; apparently a sympathy that, in quote, "would not only make him feel good but me as well." Lastly was a young man who, even though I was in a deep sleep, figured it was acceptable to try and bring me into the other room with him. I thank God that my best friend Emily was also lying down with me and told the bastard to fuck off. Realization Two: Be sure who your real friends are. Because when you know they are real and true, you can always trust them, even with your life. And I love you Emily Margaret Burns. You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
These parties do nothing but cause problems and drama. Do I really want to look back and tell my children that I willingly endured such experiences? No, I want to raise them so they know what they deserve: real love and a partner who would give their life. Just as their father, the love of my life, would do for me.
