Well, I guess this is my first post. And honestly, I don't even know why I put guess because this is. Haha. Life couldn't be weirder. I mean, I keep sitting here thinking about all these things I never thought would of happened a year ago. I never thought I'd be in such a good relationship. I never imagined I'd be back at Pine View but I came back. I never thought I'd lose Maximus but he passed away. It's just weird.
I'll start with my favorite part of my life right now. Edward <3. I love being able to make fun of all those crazed Twilight fans who are always like, "I will find my Edward!". Well guess what, I did! Literally (: I call him EJ just so I don't confuse whomever when I bring him up. Anyways, I'm so lucky. I had a huge crush on him a year ago for quite sometime but of course with him being a senior while I was a freshman, I automatically knew nothing would ever happen so didn't even hope. Well recently we started talking and we both fell for each other. It started out with just sneaking around and hanging out and then at the beach he kissed me. And we just clicked. He makes me so happy. I can't even describe it. After Taylor, I never thought anyone would like me or truly, genuinely care. And through out this past year so many times I got fucked over by guys. Who would lead me on, then just drop me like nothing. I love how guys think you don't notice or it doesn't hurt you; well here's a news flash, it does.
Anyways, back to where I was. EJ just is honest and sincere. And it's so nice to feel someone is there for me like that. Because with everything I've gone through, it's quite reassuring. I love spending time with him. Though, there are some issues. He's in college. He goes to UCF; a college that is three hours away. I only get to see him on the weekends, and not even every weekend. It really hurts. I've sat there and cried so much because of it. But yet at the same time, I can't help but think it just makes our relationship more special. Every time we see each other it's a lot more meaningful and precious. And then, EJ was talking to his dad once, and he made a really good point. A lot of teenagers rely on physical actions to keep their relationship going. EJ and I can't. So we actually have to build a connection and the relationship; we need to share our lives with each other before we can share ourselves. I care about him so much. I guess that's all I can really say.
In other news, life's a bore and school sucks. I fucking hate finals week. One would think you'd have no homework and would be able to just study. But no. My school could never do that, no. We have so many assignments due and it is absolutely ridiculous. But I can't do anything about it but suck it up and do the work. So whatever.
At home, things have been fine. Except I'm going to Ohio for a week and a half in June. And I find it absolutely naive how this whole thing came about. I never wanted to go back, ever. But my sister, who has never cared for a second in her life if she went back to Ohio or not, suddenly wants to go when my grandparents bring it up as an idea as their graduation present for her. Amber knows everything that's happened there. She knows all the issues. And she knows what this will instigate but she still feels the need to be immature. I wish she would have just made the mature decision and realize that there is more bad than good. I tried telling her this too. I tried explaining it to her but god forbid she never listens to me. Amber kept saying how "It's how our family and we care about them." I just kept getting pissed because we don't even know them. Who gives a shit if we're biologically related. Have they ever tried to come down and meet us or see us? No, they haven't. So why the fuck should we care? Not only that but my grandparents say all the time how they miss us. Well then what the fuck are they doing? They say they don't have the time to come down and just send us a gift on our birthday. Don't even call. But yet, they can come down for 2 weeks at a time to see Great Uncle Bruce but can only spare one day for us. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa. I feel the love.
So all in all, I'm surrounded by complete idiots. I feel no one understands me, and I don't give a shit about anyone. That's the sad thing. Other than the few people I actually really care about, everyone else I could care less what happens to them. There are only a small handful of people I truly and deeply care about. And to those people, I love you guys so much. ♥
