Silence...

Silence. Silence is all I hear when I find myself at peace. I've never heard so many harmonious sounds at the same time than in the symphony of empty notes and hollow beats in silence; which leads me to conclude that peace only exists in nothing. Mankind, more specifically myself, is incapable of ever-lasting tranquility. The waters will never be placid, and the sounds of my heart will never coalesce with the sounds of this world. I let the silence surround me and I feel safe. No future: no expectations: no regrets: no misery. My reality is black and it is only when I lose myself in this ever so hypnotizing silence that I see an explosion of aura and color. I want to lose myself in the abyss; close my eyes and lose this burden of responsibility and accountability. It is so exhausting to be coerced into patience to allow "fate" to dictate my future; ironic. I want to take fate into my own hands. If reality won't end the incessant screams coming from within this core of loathing and self-disgust or from the whispers of hate and intimidation that ooze from their lips like sap dripping from an innocent, juvenile cherry blossom tree that has horrifyingly endured the bearing of a knife to its rugged yet delicate exterior, then I will no longer be patient. This patience only pilfers my sanity; only wilts the budding blossoms off that mesmerizing cherry blossom tree. What is more beautiful than to protect that callow cherry blossom tree and ensure it never again is to be scarred or disfigured? I will rip that cherry blossom tree from its roots and lay it in fire. Let it feel the loving caress of flame as it is consumed by silence and the welcoming universality of nothingness. 

Nothingness - such a beautiful notion. I long to feel its weightlessness and hear its silence. And yet, even with such a beauty I am viewed as demented and deranged. This world is not ready for the capacious reality that is nothingness. And unfortunately I cannot bear the chaos of this reality for it is has robbed me of my senses; it has stolen my soul and abandoned my naked and shivering body in refuse. I have been condemned by this reality; poisoned and forced to watch as my skin erodes itself, exposing my flesh for fodder to the crows and my bones to chafe into dust. I can only survive by sacrificing myself to the nothingness - a sacrifice for my salvation.