No one person can begin to comprehend the purpose of life. Some say we're here to appease some "almighty" God - though in my personal opinion this "god" of which you speak is nothing more than a hypocritical tyrant using our lives as toys in a universal game of cat and mouse. Some say we're here just for the "ride." Ok - let's explore this possibility for a moment. We are here for the ride - first topic is what ride? What exactly are we riding? And if this ride is going somewhere where does it intend to take us? Is there a purpose; and if so transitively meaning there would be some omniscient, enlightening outcome. Where is this outcome? If my life is a "ride" - I'm done with the fucking loops, turns, and sharp corners and I want to find this so called "outcome". But so far, I've found nothing but emotional distress and immaturity on in all retrospects of bipartisan.
I've slept with 11 people, all but 2 of which were cheating.
I've had an affair with a married man.
I was anorexic.
I cut.
I've made myself throw up.
I've done drugs.
I've been wasted and stupid.
I've had a miscarriage.
I've lied to the people I love.
I've attempted suicide.
I've betrayed my best friends.
I broke the heart of the man I loved.
The purpose of life isn't some enlightened ending. It's the journey of mistakes, trials, and tribulations that allow us to learn what really matters IN life. Life is not what matters, but those who love you. I'm done hurting those people. I want to be proud of myself. Fuck these excuses I've been making. Fuck them all to hell. I'm done. Time for me to be happy. The ashes of the old me I will let fall in the ocean; washed away by the waves carrying me to a place I'll be proud of. That list above - a list of all my demons. All the secrets I've lied about to everyone are out for the world to know. Accept me for my demons, I am learning. I have learned. And who I am, I deserve better. No more running. No more hiding. I'm so sorry I had to hurt people in the journey of getting here. I'm sorry..
